Articles Tagged with: thoughts
Digging into the Past

Sometimes you wake up early in the morning, check your instagram account and find there an old acquaintance. “Hey there, acquaintance, any news?” – you say and dig into their account. And then, you see things you expected to see, except you were really wishing you won’t, so that a question still stays a question, a secret remains untold. Or at least, not shared with you. But it isn’t. “Hey there, these are my news!” – their account says, and then “click!”. It f@cks up your mood even though you know it’s stupid. Even though you know it’s past, and it’s wa-a-ay in the past, gone like booze from that bachelor party you never had. And then it rains. And you sit there, staring at those drops thinking “Why the heck do I even care?”. No answers. I guess it’s just human nature, we get sad on account of other people doing shit that (and now, important) might-have-touched-us-in-the-past-but-it-does-not-anymore. Fun? No. Worth it? No. Will I still do it? Not when I finish writing that. “Hey there, acquaintance. Please continue doing all that shit if it makes you happy!”. Ciao.

Oh, and it’s still that Ueno Park in the pictures. Still my first 12 hours in Tokyo. I wonder when I get past that date 😀


One wonderful trait of winter is related to the time when it all gets cold and snowy (or rainy, like here in Berlin), and one sits mostly inside, wherever that be – home or other comfortable place, sipping a warm drink, contemplating, remembering the stories that happened before, stories one had promised to remember for ever, but seldom had time to get back to. These times, the diary or a journal proves to be invaluable. Otherwise, how would one remember all the details that are so important to conjure an accurate picture? Human memory is, sadly, finite and very, very selective. Regardless of their impact on the bigger picture, most details are never associated with our emotional response, and lack this little tag that one uses to fetch the memory from its shelf far beyond the surface that is a present moment.

Do I keep a journal? I don’t. Sadly. This blog can be called one, but then the gaps between posts are too large. I also am rather secretive of the inner thoughts and these details that compose my life, so I keep them mostly out of here. Sad as it is, most stories thus are gone, most details forgotten. Except those few, captured in pictures and words, in a notepad or here, online.

Yet, sometimes they pop up in the most unexpected fashion. One association leads to another, one tag after another and here we go: a bunch of files marked “archive, never to forget” are found in those wrinkles of a brain, producing a fountain of memories when opened.

I am twenty eight which is considered pretty young (although my parents don’t think so, at least with regards family-and-children-business, heh), yet the experiences I had in those short twenty-eight years are so valuable, conclusions and implications I had drawn are so worth remembering. Mistakes that I had done, lessons I have learnt (or didn’t) – all that is of extreme importance to me. What are we back to? I guess, taking time. Taking time to remember, to allow the mind wonder in the past and fetch those files, open them, and scan through, remind yourself of what had happened and enjoy the fact that this past is your past. And winter, snowy, rainy or just cold enough to keep one indoors is the perfect time.

Treasure your memories, don’t let them go.

An Afternoon Post

After playing scales for 5 minutes I realised the doctor was right: it’s not much fun. Just a day back I got a tetanus shot and scales, evidently, are enough to aggravate the hand. Well then, I will do something I didn’t, for some time. So, at this hour, it is 29 degrees outside, it is sunny and my entire place is shining, every corner lit. Speakers play Das Wohltemperierte Klavier performed on piano by Vladimir Ashkenazy. My desk features a laptop, a Harvard Dictionary of Music, stationery, an IKEA advertisement booklet and some sheet music. My mind, however disappointed by inability to practice, is calm and active. Active mainly due to five cups of green tea consumed earlier.

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Post of Gratitude

What is the most wonderful thing after playing piano? Right, listening and watching someone playing piano. Especially if that someone plays really well. Accompanied by a right drink and nice people, that can turn into a one good memory. And so it did. Playing until dark and beyond, sipping high-ball, talking – all that together made one great night. Bach, Chopin, Mozart, Satie, Hisaishi and others, so many of my favourites..

Yesterday night, sitting there and listening, I started to wonder: would that have been possible, if I didn’t move to Berlin? Technically, getting a bunch of people together to play piano – why not? There are plenty good musicians in Russia and Voronezh is not an exception. But then – when you consider where those people are from – it might become much harder.. Try getting Taiwanese and Japanese in the same room in Voronezh and most likely you’ll fail miserably. Try adding to that Dutch and German – chances will be close to zero, unless, you know, all those people will come there for you.

And it’s not really about Voronezh or Russia, it’s just that Berlin is so special. Living here, I got used to this feeling – being always in the middle of something, surrounded by those hundreds of interesting events and thousands of wonderful people. And I shouldn’t take it for granted. I guess it’s always like that – I never see what’s right under my nose. Well now, I am happy that such a charming night made me realise how wonderful the life is, and how rare and unique certain events are.

So to all and everybody I know, from Berlin or not. You are great. You make it click. And thank you for being in my life.

Inspiration and Routine

Where does inspiration come from? A sunny day, or a rainy one? People around, or solitude? Music, street sounds or complete silence? Because, ultimately, for good outcome one always needs passion, emotional attachment and – right – inspiration. I don’t think there’s an answer to any of the questions above, at least not a definite one – everyone has their own “thing”, something that keeps them going.

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There. Here.
on the plane

To be precise, something around ten thousand meters above the surface of the Earth. Well, or whatever the cruising altitude of the Airbus A320 is. Having read another (and this time, his first) book of Murakami, I felt a sudden urge to write something. So, I guess, you guys have to bear with me. What that’s going to be about – I have not a vaguest idea. (beware, lengthy)

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Happy New Year!

And again, in a blink of an eye, the 2015 year passed, handing over its place to the new, year 2016. Time for celebrations, time for a pause, before life starts spinning anew, from a blank page. I wish everyone of you to be happy this year. Happy, regardless of what it means personally for you.

Last year I had grand plans, and grand goals. And some of them have been fulfilled:

  • I enjoyed working, discovering new things, and delivering new things with our awesome HERE family (can’t say more here, sorry).
  • Read one classic computer science book and countless scientific papers with regards to two favourite areas: road network routing and machine learning.
  • Taken and successfully finished machine learning at coursera.
  • Travelled. Even if not a lot, and even if mostly locally in Germany, but nonetheless.
  • Transformed the feeling I have when looking at the sheet music (from primal fear towards curiosity and excitement 😉 ) and learnt new songs, both popular and classical.
  • Redesigned and delivered (even if partially, yet) my page and blog. More to do remains, though.
  • Actually improved my Japanese (in the beginning of the year), although forgot most of it again (end of year) 🙂

What I didn’t do (or what I don’t consider fulfilled):

  • Race 10K and a half-marathon. That is probably by far saddest part. To be honest, I almost didn’t run this year. I hope next will be better.
  • Take pictures. The way I wanted to. You’ve probably noticed that. Last year, I wanted to do far more people/portrait/city-life shots, and start a project (which I still have in mind, [almost] all the time), but I didn’t.
  • Take German course. Well, honestly, I expected that. I won’t put this goal on the list any more. It is actually far more fun to read manga in German than to take a course.

My goals for the year 2016 are still in setting stage, however I definitely know that there will be less of them. I feel much better when I can concentrate on something and free my mind of everything else. Also, what I learnt is – whatever I do in my free time, I better enjoy it. Life is too short to do things you don’t enjoy. And, if there’s something you have to do, even if unpleasant, think of life as a box of chocolates:

You know, they’ve got these chocolate assortments, and you like some but you don’t like others? And you eat all the ones you like, and the only ones left are the ones you don’t like as much? I always think about that when something painful comes up. “Now I just have to polish these off, and everything’ll be OK.’ Life is a box of chocolates.”

“Norwegian Wood”, Haruki Murakami.

So, to conclude this long (and probably rather boring for you) post, I wish you all again a happy new year. To feel, by the end of it, that you would like the next one to be just as good as that.

Frohes Neues!

This and That

I have very mixed feelings when I stare now at the blank page. I want to tell so much and yet I want to keep certain things to myself. A strange feeling that you want to share, but reluctant as if sharing could have a consequence. But I think I won’t be able to write anything sincerely before do – that’s what in my mind for many days now, and I can’t get rid of it.

To make it short, two out of three last weeks I spent in the hospital. It just happened, rather suddenly, as one friend of mine said, just a bit of bad luck. No worries, it seems I got lucky again and I may get away with it just fine. What worries me is that it was sort of a distress signal. Perhaps I am just young, nothing like that happened with me before and it’s just something new, unknown and therefore worrying, but.. Maybe it was? Signal that something has to be changed. But I don’t feel changed at all. As if all stays one hundred percent the same. If the universe wanted to give me a lesson, did I fail to learn something?

Masters of Science

Ну что, мы теперь магистры. И не чего-нибудь, а целой Прикладной Математики и Информатики. Поздравляю Нас всех, ребята. Мы сделали это.) Мне было очень приятно учиться вместе с Вами.

Можно говорить, что закончился очередной этап в жизни. Сначала была школа, теперь университет. Честно говоря, ощущения несколько странные. Начав работать на 3 курсе, я стал настолько реже появляться в университете, что иногда казалось, что я и не учусь там вовсе.) И так, надо сказать, было у многих. А сейчас получается так, что вдруг и это малое, эти редкие встречи, куда-то испарились. Закончились, и все тут. А ведь каждый раз приходя на те немногочисленные пары, которые были у нас в последние два года, я был рад видеть всех и каждого, кто составлял мне компанию в аудитории (нет, правда. Кого-то больше, кого-то меньше, но всех).

Хочется, чтобы мы встречались. Хочется, чтобы мы общались, не забывали друг друга, помогали друг другу. Это ведь не сложно, правда? Может прямо здесь, прямо сейчас, назначим дату? Просто попробуем – а вдруг получится положить начало отличной традиции?

We are the Champions. We are the Masters.

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