After playing scales for 5 minutes I realised the doctor was right: it’s not much fun. Just a day back I got a tetanus shot and scales, evidently, are enough to aggravate the hand. Well then, I will do something I didn’t, for some time. So, at this hour, it is 29 degrees outside, it is sunny and my entire place is shining, every corner lit. Speakers play Das Wohltemperierte Klavier performed on piano by Vladimir Ashkenazy. My desk features a laptop, a Harvard Dictionary of Music, stationery, an IKEA advertisement booklet and some sheet music. My mind, however disappointed by inability to practice, is calm and active. Active mainly due to five cups of green tea consumed earlier.

By now you should have a pretty good impression of how my day looks and how I did so far. My life, however, featured many unexpected events last days. But first things first. I know, some people are grieving nowadays, some are showing compassion to the victims of recent events. I read the news too, even if always late. And I think world is getting a bit crazier every day. And I think the most important thing for every one of us [human beings] nowadays is to have a good look inside – find out what is best in each of us and try to cultivate it as much as possible. World will keep turning, it will still be crazy, and people will still consume meat and buy plastic bags. But if each and every one of us [human beings] would decide to become a little better, to strive to do good, to try to contribute to the world just by improving themselves, world might become a much better place to live.

Now back to my life. Last year was a very slow year for me. Mostly, for the fact that I couldn’t do too many things and I had to keep stress levels low for a while. This slowness had forced me to change the routine, and to find a way to improve myself with what I have. Now, as I am getting up to my former speed, “ghosts of the past” are coming over. For you to understand, I will tell you a story. Few weeks ago I spent a day with a fellow artist. She was so kind as to draw me while I was practicing piano, in my natural habitat. She had created a beautiful drawing, but there was one “but” – a big cavity in my chest. First taken aback, I realised a few moments later – it is indeed that visible, maybe for everyone but myself. One needs only a day with me to see that. Now, getting up to speed, I desperately try to fill this hole, and as many things that are rushed, this doesn’t work out as much as I would hope. Why am I writing all that in public? Maybe I hope it’ll be a “cure”. Maybe I hope to find someone sharing this feeling and at least we could talk about it. It is important to talk about things, you know.

A book on Yoga that the distractions and obstacles which hinder the aspirant’s practice of Yoga are:

  1. Vyadhi – sickness which disturbs the physical equilibrium
  2. Styana – languor or lack of mental disposition for work
  3. Samsaya – doubt or indecision
  4. Pramada – indifference or insensibility
  5. Alasya – laziness
  6. Avirati – sensuality, the rousing of desire when sensory objects possess the mind
  7. Bhranti Darsana – false or invalid knowledge, or illusion
  8. Alabdha Bhumikatva – failure to attain continuity of thought or concentration so that reality cannot be seen
  9. Anavasthitattva – instability in holding on to concentration which has been attained after long practice

Ain’t these the same as hinder person’s life? I know it might sound a bit like “spiritual b%*$it” which I am myself not fond of, but really, think of it. The same book says: Mind is the king of all senses. One who has conquered his mind, senses, passions, thought and reason is a king among men. So, only the mind is there between a complete person, and a person with a cavity in their chest. Senses, passions, thought, reason and mind. I thank The Artist for showing me that hole. And I thank B.K.S. Iyengar for writing his book. And I hope I could use them both to get along with myself a bit better. Now that I have more time.

Oh, and I thank you. For reading till here. I needed this post, and I hope it was worth your time.